Joburg goes shopping

18 Dec


Joburgers are obsessed with shopping. It’s our favourite leisure activity; we don’t have a mountain or a sea, so we go to the mall instead. Shopping centers before Christmas must surely be the closest we have to one of Dante’s circles of hell. (Limbo, greed or anger, I’m not sure.) Yesterday morning I agreed, in a moment of madness, to accompany my mother to the Pick n Pay Hyper at Woodmead.

It was a good trip: I avoided a queue to get in by taking a sneaky back route past Newscafe, the parking fairy smiled upon me and felt that rare sense of accomplishment when you try a strategy different to the woman in the luxury SUV and it pays off.

Doucheplate in the Woodmead parking lot

Doucheplate in the Woodmead parking lot

I sometimes wonder whether Joburgers use shopping a way to avoid dealing with real life. All this ceaseless acquisition, this hunt for special offers – it seems to become an end in and of itself. I watched so many couples arguing in the Pick n Pay Hyper and thought, thank heaven that isn’t me, even as I lost my mother while she went to find the HTH and I was distracted by the Verimark stand.

I don't know how he does it

I don’t know how he does it

I don’t enjoy shopping except in very specific circumstances, which must mean that

a. I am not a real Joburger, despite having been born and grown up here and

b. I am missing an extra X chromosome.

Then again, I could be wrong. Perhaps shopping is real life, and pushing a trolley through a parking lot is the closest we get to expressing our true selves.

Parking lot


One Response to “Joburg goes shopping”

  1. Lynn December 5, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

    This is so funny. Poor Norwin is dragged around by me because I work in shopping centres. He hates shopping.

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