Yipeee and other doucheplates

4 May

Whenever I write about personalized number plates, now better known as doucheplates, I preface it with a disclaimer: that once upon a time, I too had a doucheplate. My black Fiat Stilo sported MARMITE GP. I wanted to look cool because my boss at the time said I came across as too boring, and when my Toyota Corolla was turned into a Tazz by a drunk middle manager in a Mercedes-Benz, I grabbed the opportunity to reconfigure my image. Back when I had my doucheplate, there were few blogs devoted to them. But that has changed.

This is the doucheplate I spotted this morning at Hobart Grove in Bryanston:


Clearly, whoever gets to drive this Evoque is very happy about it, and who can blame him or her? As a former Evoque driver, I can testify to its general fabulosity. My current car quest involves trying to replicate the Evoque experience without spending Evoque money, which is not easy.

At least my doucheplate was quirky. This one is just plain boring:

Greg 1

I can understand wanting to plonk your name on an Aston Martin, but a Mazda 6?? A car only marginal less boring than the hideous late 90s Camrys we imported from Australia? The worst is that it was taken in the parking garage of the Design District in Rosebank, which is home to SA Fashion Week, the Loeries and Egg Films. A less hipster vehicle is hard to imagine. There is no irony in a Mazda 6. None at all.

Next up, we have a charmer from Mpumalanga. Sunday Times columnist Ndumiso Ngcobo and I share a horror of MP number plates,which tend to be a reliable signal of a dangerous incompetent behind the wheel. Three months ago I found myself stuck behind a bakkie with its hazards on and an MP numberplate in the middle of the Buccleuch interchange. There were two lanes to my left and three to my right. It turned out the driver was lost, and stopped her vehicle in the middle of a six line highway while she figured out where to go because… well, why not?

This, spotted near the Pick n Pay Hypermarket in Woodmead,  gives me no faith at all:

Supafly MP

Many people collect doucheplates. For a fine collection of South African doucheplates (doosplates?), visit the blog of my friend David Taylor.

One Response to “Yipeee and other doucheplates”

  1. Chris Gilmour May 4, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    What a brilliant essay! You encapsulate all that is pathetic about doucheplates and their owners.

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